When I first saw Terminator: Salvation I liked it well enough. But after seeing Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines I suppose that was just because my standards were lowered enough to make just about anything enjoyable. But once I realized that, and I got my wits back, I thought about this piece of crap film, and I was depressed that this piece of junk was Stan Winston's last film.
All right, fasten your safety belts, because we're veering off into the twisted place in my mind where I'm in charge of things, and I change movies around to make them better.
This is HOW SHIZZ SHOULD HAVE GONE DOWN (which basically means this is a long, silly entry that is entirely my uneducated opinion of what would have made a movie better. You may disagree. You may get tire of reading it half way through. You may get sick of my constant parenthetical asides. And that's ok. )
The first thing we do is get rid of the superfluous characters: Bryce Dallas Howard, Moon Bloodgood, and Helena Bonham Carter. Buh-bye.
Next, we recast:
Christian Bale can take his "I'm Gruff, and I'm a badass, and I'm gonna play every role exactly the same because I'm trying to atone for being such a puss in Newsies (Sorry, Meekie!)" routine and shove it where his Batsuit Wedges, cause I'm fuggin' sick of it. Some other actors I thought might fit the role slightly better include: Jake Gyllenhaal, Eddie Norton (like you didn't see that coming) and Edward Furlong (if they could pull him out of whatever rehab facility he's locked away in). Obviously, there's quite an age range here (Gyllenhaal is in his 20s, Furlong his 30s, Norton is in his 40s), but since this is my world, and I'm queen here, we're assuming the script would be altered to fit the actor(instead of the way Hollywood does it...).
Sam Worthington is a piece of Eye Candy, sure, but I'm not really hip to his acting chops. I would ultimately replace him with James Marsden, just because I think HE needs to atone for acting in a movie about Bridesmaid Dresses (and for wearing tights in Enchanted).
Anton Yeltchin is someone I cannot take seriously after seeing Charlie Bartlett, and I'm sorry, Kyle Reese is the man I model my expectations in a partner on, so we're not going to cast any old teen actor to play him. I'd go with someone unknown, who looks like Michael Biehn would have looked when he was younger, as opposed to someone who looks nothing like Biehn at all. We'll call this unknown actor... Bob.
Ok, so there's your cast. What, you say? That's it? Yes. That's it. Look, Hollywood! I just saved you 14 million dollars! Put that towards script re-writes. The first two Terminator movies had between 3 and 4 main characters. It's post apocalyptic earth. Human's are all hiding from the machines, not out prancing around looking for terminators. What, you say? What about the resistance?
I call your attention to May 12th, 1984, when Kyle Reese fell outta the sky and fucked up Sarah Connor's movie night. He said, and I quote "There was one man, who turned it all around. ...His name was Connor. John Connor." But that hasn't happened yet! duh.
Ok, so... John Connor finally decided to come out of his hole-in-the-mountain and start owning up to his destiny. What happened to Kate, you ask? He had to eat SOMETHING while he was locked up in that bunker. He wanders around nomadically for a while, trying to make sense of everything, trying to figure out how to be the warrior he needs to be. Even though he was raised to be a good fighter (Excluding the insulting puss-i-fied version played by Nick Stahl in ROTM) he's unsure of what he needs to do, how he needs to act, because of course, its one thing to practice something, it's quite another to do it for real.
And Then...
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