What you think it means: "I'm a good looking guy, why shouldn't I be proud of it? And this camera flash-reflection is really cool and artsy looking."
What I think it means: "Look at how narcissistic I am! I am so good looking, I don't even have friends to take a picture of me, because they are all just jealous of my buff bod. I'm also too stupid to figure out how to turn the flash off on my camera. Additionally, I'm lazy, because my mirror is really dirty, and I didn't even bother to clean it off before snapping this pic." I'll pass on that dinner date, cow boy. I'm afraid you might rip off your shirt during the seaweed salad.
The "Intense CloseUp" Pic
What I think it means: "I'm either a giant douche who thinks I'm better than you because of my minor artistic achievements, or I'm really insecure about how I look, and thus want to keep you in the dark about it until I've had the opportunity to win you over with my "personality." I swear I have one." Sure you do, kiddo. Sure you do. Say, have you met my friend, TheHipster? I think you two would hit it off.
What you think it means: "These people are attractive, so people will think there's obviously something worth while about me."
What I think it means: This person is friends with skanks (or douches) or they routinely pay prostitutes to pose for pictures with them.
What you think it means: "I'm show casing my positive attributes while glossing over my negative attributes."
What I think it means: What exactly is this person hiding?
DO THEY EVEN HAVE LEGS?!
What you think it means: "Look at my sweet ride! My car/bike is really nice, so you know I will treat my lady even nicer!"
What I think it means: This person is a Transformer. Or they car so much about their car, there's no chance we won't spend a Saturday afternoon at their various car club meetings or at the local track for their stupid drag races. I'll pass on that.
What you think it means: "This picture will make sure people know that I'm edgy and cool and unique, because no one else has a sweet arm band tribal tattoo like me."
What I think it means: Dear God, where have all the sane people gone? I mean, I suppose if you're into tattoos, this might seem semi-cool, but even if you are, you probably still think pix blatantly showing them off like they are a badge of honor are pretty unhip. Bonus points if you're doing one of those lame self portrait-flexing-pix.
What you think it means: "I'm quirky and unique. I don't really slay dragons or have abs like Brad Pitt, but I have a great sense of humor!"or "I'm just going to touch this up a bit so I look even better."
What I think it means: Depending on the degree of photo-shop, it can go two ways. If its clear you want us to know its photo-shopped, and it's funny, I might chortle. I mean, my friend Funky photo-shops pix all the time, and they are quite humorous. However, if you think you have to try to pull the wool over the eyes of someone you want to become romantically involved with to get them to even talk to you, that doesn't bode well for your mental health.
What you think it means: "I am off beat and funny. I will also make beautiful children with you some day. Also, check out how cool I was as a kid."
What I think it means: Yeah, you were a cute kid. So what happened?
What you think it means: "I'm a fun unique individual. I like to have fun! FUN! WHOOOO!"
What I think it means: "I cannot be social without alcohol. If I'm myself, you won't like me. you will only like me if I'm drunk and wearing a lamp shade on my head." Yeah, I'll pass on that. I know I'm not exactly the pinnacle of sobriety, but at least the first impression you get of me doesn't include my underwear on my head.
So what's left? What makes a good profile pic? Well, I find that most people are interested in seeing as much of you as possible... No, Brannon, not a nude photo... I mean, a full body photo, where your face is clearly visible. It's a good idea to let your personality shine through a little bit, too. Ease people in to who you are, while still allowing them to see what you look like... This was my most successful profile pic:
"Demand Fabulousness, at all times!"