I know we're all guilty of less than fabulous days, maybe it's laundry day, maybe its just a icky day. But you and I are not walking the red carpet. We are going to the grocery store, or the mall. Lean Heady however, is. Celebrities pay stylists a lot of money so they don't look like ... well, like Lena Heady.
Lena is a beautiful woman, but man... does she step out her door in some of the ugliest outfits I've ever seen in my life. This is why I feel that her stylist needs to be murdered... Take a look:
This shapeless hefty-sack dress belongs in the garbage. She's a beautiful woman with a beautiful figure. She should wear something that shows it off. The graphics on the pockets aren't vintage, they aren't retro, they are just ugly. I don't exactly understand the point of the red piping. Is it an accent? Is it to detract attention from the ugly fucking dress? I don't know. The gold pendant does nothing for me, and its almost lost in the hideousness of the dress anyway.
The shoes are great, though. I do like the shoes. Hang on to them. The rest of the look is a disaster. Burn it, and kill the person who sent you down the carpet in that hideous thing.
Judging from her youthful, fresh face, I'm going to assume this picture is old. I'm going to pray that it's from the mid to early 90s, where some people thought this kind of thing was acceptable. Even though it's not. It's so not acceptable. No one should wear this, ever. EVER. A Heart over your coochie? Really? I don't care who you are, what decade your in, shapes over your va jay ain't cute.
Yes, that's a jump suit, and yes, she's wearing it to an event where people can see her.
The shoes are fierce, but they don't match the outfit. If you can call it an outfit. I call it something this beautiful, fashion challenged woman should wipe her ass with.
There is absolutely nothing redeeming about this outfit. The cut unflattering, the color washes her out, and, oh yeah, ITS A JUMP SUIT.
Keep the shoes, though.
This particular look isn't that bad, considering what we just saw, but it's certainly not the best a woman starring in a hit TV show and blockbuster movies like
300 could do. Perhaps she like kitchy fashion, but this shapeless number and violent pattern do nothing for her figure, AGAIN. The pattern takes attention away from her beautiful face, and the neckline is just... weird. However, we seem to be making progress. Maybe she stabbed her stylist with the same sword she stabbed Theron with.
That's much better, but still not quite perfect. I know you're thinking, what's wrong? The dress is gorgeous, And yeah, it is... But imagine it cut about three inches shorter, taken in about an inch, sleeveless, and with out that belt. Wouldn't that be gorgeous? Fit for a queen? Yes, yes I think so.
The color is gorgeous, and it really works for her. But the length makes this dress look dowdy. It's too long to be short, and too short to be long. The banding around the mid-section of the dress isn't doing much for me, either, but considering what's on the rest of the list, I'll take what I can get.
Oh look... another dowdy, ill fitting, ugly outfit.
What.
A
Surprise.
The shoes aren't even cute this time. Interesting, but not cute.
I'm curious though, whose funeral was it? I hope it was her fucking stylists funeral.
Thanks for reading, and until next time, Dear Reader, May The Fierce Be With You!
"Demand Fabulousness, at all times!"
