How to Avoid Looking Like A Douchebag in your Facebook Profile Pic

There have been many a post on the different types of facebook personalities and how annoying they are... And frankly, I'm a cross between several of them, and that makes me exponentially more annoying. I'm pretty sure 80% of my friends have hidden me from their feeds.

However, I find that there are several types of facebook profile PICTURES that annoy me more than any things else. And I accept that I've been guilty of them several times, myself. I'm nothing if not willing to admit I'm a hypocrite.

I'd like to take a second to clarify that I'm only talking about profile pictures here.  I really don't care what type of pictures you upload to the rest of your page, but your main, default picture is the one I have to see every time you post.  If you don't want to look like a douchebag, I suggest you avoid these profile pictures types (as well as these):

1. The Happy Couple Kissing Picture
Really?  you're not content with just being facebook official, you have to make sure that everyone not only knows about your relationship, but also that they will never be as cute and happy as you are right now?

Oh Puh-leeze.  Go broadcast your insecurities somewhere else.

I don't know a single person who ever posted a kissing picture in all seriousness (except for a couple of bride-and-groom shots, which I'll tolerate, but I still don't like), but I see them all the time on my friend's pages, and I am just wondering... is it really worth it?

Let's face reality here for a second:  Would you want you employer, parents, or grand parents to see that?  Because that's who's really looking at your Facebook Profile.  Not the ex you're trying to get back at.  Trust me... They are most certainly not looking.

2. The Car Picture
We get it.  you have a car.  You troll around town in your sweet ride, picking up the ladies.  But are you a transformer?  No?  THEN WHY IS YOUR CAR YOUR PICTURE??  What if someone was looking for you?  They wouldn't know if they had the right Dumbass McStupid!

Let's face reality here for a second:  The only person who cares about your car is you.  There.  I said it.

3. Ultra Sound Pictures.
You're a proud parent to be, and you want to share that with the world.  Fine.  Does your fetus really have to greet me every time I log in?  Your womb juice is not really something that is going to capture the interest of 80% of your friends.  It's fine if you want to share the pictures, but for the love of god, please don't make it your profile picture so that we have to continually see it every time you post an update... especially if most of the updates are about your pregnancy.  That's just too much.

Let's face reality here for a second:  Ultra sounds are gross.

True Story:
This is the Vagina Destroyer

4.  The Constant Partier Picture
You update your profile picture every Monday with shots of your awesome weekend... you always have a beer in your hand, a (different) hottie on your arm, and a cig in your mouth while you do something only you think is funny.  You are too school for cool.  This one really only bothers me because the people who do that are usually the assholes no one invited to the party, anyway.  Usually, these snaps aren't even very good pictures.  Out of focus, blurry, or with the finger over the lens... If someone took a genuinely good picture of you at a party, then that's one thing... but I really think that you're just trying to convince the rest of us how awesome you are.

Let's face reality here for a second:  You're not as cool as you think you are.

Hellloooooo.
True Story: This is my cat.

5. The Pet-Only Profile Picture
Periodically, I will make my Facebook picture my cat, but it's typically during ASPCA Fund Raising.  The people who ONLY have pictures of their pets up irk me.  How can I stalk you if all I can see is Mr. Fluffikins?  You're ruining my good time.

Let's face reality here for a second:  Cat People are weird.   Scratch that (no pun intended), Obsessive Cat People are weird.

6. The-Change-My-Picture-Every-Day-But-It's-Always-The-Exact-Same-Myspace-Angle Picture (See Also: Mirror Self Portraits)
Unless you're participating in some time of Photo-Every-Day-for-Six-Years project, why are you doing this?  Did no one tell you that variety is the spice of life? You're standing in the same spot as yesterday, it's the same angle as yesterday, in fact, I wouldn't have noticed it was a different picture if facebook hadn't alerted me that you did, in fact, change your picture.
Again.

Let's face reality here for a second:  If you need attention that badly, perhaps you should get a twitter.

7. The I LOOOOVVVVVVEEEEEE PHOTO SHOP (but have no idea how to use it correctly) Picture
I admit, I'm guilty of using cross-processing, color boost, or just plain old photo manipulation in some of my pictures, but I try no to be obnoxious about it.
However...
"Stickers", glitter text, hearts and stuff like that?  It makes me wonder why I friended this person who is obviously a thirteen year old girl who never grew out of her Lisa Frank Obsession.

Let's face reality here for a second:  If a photo needs that many bells and whistles, it's probably not that great of a photo to begin with.

Honorable Mentions:  The Your-Child-As-Your-Avatar, The Just Married (like, 4 years ago), and The Vacationer,  While these are annoying to me, I understand that people want to share the happy moments of their lives with their friends... So I don't begrudge them that right.

I also understand that I'm a curmudgeon and a hypocrite... :-P

Thanks for reading, and until next time, Dear Reader, May The Fierce Be With You!

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"Demand Fabulousness, at all times!"

My Life as a Ke$ha Song

Thanks for all the birthday wishes, Dear Readers.  Actually, despite all of my whining, bitching, crying and the foot of snow forcing me to cancel my original plans, I still had a really great time.  I caught up with two friends I hadn't seen in a while, and had a good time with the folks who made it out in the snow and ice storm.

Killa L and I at the Main Street Grill

Monday, I went to lunch with my dad (my mom wasn't feeling well) and went to the dollar store, where I got my sweet dinosaur hat that I saw the last time I was there.  Then I came home and napped, before getting up and going to The Main Street Grill to meet up with The Ginger DJ and Blondi, and we did a few bombs.  Then HWoww and her New Friend (who I haven't nicked named yet.) showed up, then Meekie (who I rarely get to see because we have opposite work schedules) and The Night Rapist came, and finally Killa L made it out.  We played Bar Trivia and came in second place, and then went to Denny's for some delicious food items.

Meekie and I.  Hells yes I wore my crown and a big ol' sash that said "Fabulous"

Tuesday, I went shopping and to lunch at Red Lobster with Meekie, bought some new perfume and a new necklace, and then went home and took a nap.  Naps are so awesome.  When I woke up, I went back over to Meekie's house, and did her eye make up (we tried a couple of different looks from Kat Storm's Repertoire, including "The Fancy Peacock" and "Subtle Plum"), before heading down to The Rib Shack.  We picked up Juggernaut on the way, and Skinny and HWoww's New Friend met us there.  He seems like a cool guy, he fits in with the group really well and I told him he was invited back to hang out with us anytime.  We played more Trivia at The Rib Shack, and came in second place, and then I took Meekie home, and met up with Skinny, Juggernaut, and HNF at The Dive.  We had a couple of drinks, but The Ginger DJ wasn't spinning, so it was just kind of a low key night.  Weasel and HWoww met us towards the end of the night, and Chicana rounded things out nicely, we had a chill evening, and I had fun.

Hwoww doing the Mickey Shocker

When I was taking Juggernaut home, though, I did spin out on some black ice trying to stop at a red light, but luckily, thanks to my SUPERIOR DRIVING SKILLS, we didn't hit anything, or anyone, and didn't get stuck in a ditch. 

I got home and texted some friends for a bit before passing out... but I woke up with a massive headache, stuffy nose and sore throat this morning.  I took some dayquil and am going to take it easy today, and hopefully, I'll feel better by tonight, because I'm planning on going back out to The Main Street Grill to hang out with The Ginger DJ, Hwoww, and The Night Rapist.

I can't wait til The Dagger gets back, though, because we are going to put on some slutty dresses and tear up this town!  I think the birthday curse might be broken!

Thanks for reading, and until next time, Dear Reader, May The Fierce Be With You!

---

"Demand Fabulousness, at all times!"

Winter Wonderland ?

I've made it no secret over the years that I have a strong dislike for all things wintry and snowy. I don't like cold weather, or snow-globes or having to wear thick boots that make my feet hot and itchy once I get where I'm going, but this year, I really hate it.

The Birthday Curse Strikes again! My party was canceled due to snow.

I'm trying not to whine and complain, but I'm just really irritated that I'm stuck at home instead of out with the Wreckers and all my other friends, because mother nature decided to PMS all over my party. I'm trying to look on the bright side, at least the roads will be clear when I have to go back to work!

Next year, I'm just not even going to get out of bed on my birthday. I'm going to lay in bed all day and watch Harry Potter. And listen to Britney Spears. and Maybe HWoww can sleep over like in high school. That sounds infinitely better than making awesome plans that just get crushed.

Thanks for reading, and until next time, Dear Reader, May The Fierce Be With You!

---

"Demand Fabulousness, at all times!"

Lame Lines That Have Actually Worked

I have a lot of guy friends, so they provide me with some insight into the male psyche(Not even to give me a fool proof method for spotting the psychos, though), and I, in turn, provide them with a female perspective on why their girl friends do the Bat Shit crazy things they do.

The other night, a few of us were sitting around, drinking and bullshitting, discussing various things, when the subject of "How Did You Ever Manage To Score With (Girl's Name) Anyway?  She's way too hot for you, bro." came up.  I have a feeling the topic of conversation wouldn't have been brought up if I wasn't there, since I'm the one that brought it up, but I digress... as they went around telling me how they picked up their hottest of hottie conquests, I just had to shake my head... Do women actually take this bait?

Now, granted, it's not beyond the realm of possibility that one or more of my Casanova-Wannabe friends embellished, stretched or flat out ignored the truth here, but I still can't believe some of this stuff actually got a woman's attention long enough for some of my homeboys to actually weasel a date or two (and in one case, an entire marriage) out of her.

"You look just like this girl I know back home." - D, originally from Georgia, so he has that smooth southern accent.  You know the ones I mean, the Not-Hickish-but-Texas-Oil-Baron-Accent.  He claims to have bedded no less than three women with that line, and been out on 4 additional dates because of it.

"Do you have a raisin? [No]  Oh.  How about a date?" -T, from Delaware.  He claims this has worked on two girls, one of whom he was in a relationship with for 18 months.

"I'm pretty sure I've seen you somewhere before.  Oh... yeah, it was in my dreams." H, from D.C., who says he only ever used it on one girl, and is now married to her.  Said wife was not around to offer comment on this line, but I'm willing to believe it's true.  She's a bit like Luna Lovegood from Harry Potter.

"I wish I were sine squared and you were cosined squared, because together we could be one." J, from D.C., and yes this line does work. He used it on me.

As for the line I use?  "Would you like to go back to my place for sex and pie?"...  And everyone always wants to know what kind of pie!

Just a reminder my birthday is Monday, the 27th!  Details about the party are on my facebook page.  Hope a few of you localish folks can make it!


Thanks for reading, and until next time, Dear Reader, May The Fierce Be With You!

---

"Demand Fabulousness, at all times!"

Happy Holidays!

Merry Christmas (or Holiday of your Choice, here.  I celebrate Christmas and am selfish enough to assume you do, too), Dearest Readers!

I hope those of you in D.C. had a chance to check out the fabulous decorations this year.  D.C. is so beautiful at Christmas Time.

In true Kat Storm Spirit, I know that once you've opened your presents, the first thing you're going to do is come read my blog, right?  Right.  So, I've decided to entertain you on this otherwise boring evening, and give you something for your eyes to feast upon! Nom Nom Nom!

I present to you, my least favorite Christmas Songs  of all Time:

10) Last Christmas

This is not a Christmas song.  This is a whine about a broken heart song.  It's neither joyous, nor cheery.  In fact, it's depressing... No wonder Taylor Swift decided to record a version of it.

9) Santa Baby

This is a song about greed and gold digging.  Or, a woman lusting after an elderly man.  Either way, I don't much care for it, Madonna.

8) 8 Days of Christmas

Backrubs and poems. A diamond belly ring and some quality T-I-M-E. "Doesn't it feel like Christmas?" Well, no, Destiny's Child; it feels kinda dirty, like we're the third wheel on your No-Tell Motel weekend.

7) Christmas Conga 

Girls just wanna have fun, but there's no way they can do that with this song playing.  Also?  I refuse to conga to this song, just on principle. Shove that in your pipe and smoke it, Cyndi.

6) Oi to the World

Don't get me wrong, I love The Vandals, and I love the song, but the No Doubt version is no bueno.  and the video bugs me.  Gwen Stefani-Rossdale, what are you trying to prove, exactly?

5) Please Daddy (Don't Get Drunk This Christmas)

Really, John Denver?  If you don't want to see your mother cry... then don't sing.

(too soon?)

4)  Do They Know It's Christmas?

The road to hell is paved with bad music and good intentions...But I really hate these kinds of things.  It's great you're doing something for Charity, but c'mon... You're not going to get people to want to be involved in things by depressing them... Just saying!  ...but British rappers are funny.

3) Driving Home For Christmas

Elevator music goes Holiday!  Hiss and boo.  This song is just terrible.  TERRIBLE.  Silence, Chris Rhea!

2) Let it Snow

It's Kenny G.  Need I say more?
Also, I hate snow.

And the worst Christmas Song EVER?

THE CHRISTMAS SHOES

I hate this song with a passion.  There is no other song on Earth that will get me to change the channel faster than this.  Not even the Macarena.  NOT EVEN  MILEY CYRUS. 

I get the message of the song, but good lord, Christmas shouldn't be unnecessarily sad... Listening to this song will do that.

I really hate this song.  I am having trouble articulating just how much I hate it.  More than I hate Jeggings and Worgen combined!

But there are some Christmas Songs I really love... Most of them are traditional ones, such as...

10) Jingle Bell Rock (almost all versions of it... Except the Lindsay Lohan Version, bleh)

9) Joy to the World, particularly this version by Faith Hill-Mcgraw

8) White Christmas, by Bing Crosby.  I'll allow snow for Bing.  but only for Bing.

7) Carol of the Bells, particularly this version, by The Celetic Women.  I am partial to this song because we sang it every year when I was in the Chorus at school, and I got to use my Mezzo Soprano voice! Be impressed.

6) My Christmas Tree, from the Home Alone 2 soundtrack.  Granted, I might just like it because Kevin pushes his asshole older brother down and ruined the whole concert... which makes my tripping fiasco of 1997 look like nothing.

5) We Three Kings, the claymation Christmas!  So much Nostalgia. And the Camels OWN YOUR SOUL.

4) You're A Mean One, Mr. Grinch!  Oh, come on now... Everyone in America watched the Grinch when they were a kid, and you know you love to sing this song!

3) The Charlie Brown Christmas Song, by the Peanuts Gang.  You can't not love Charlie Brown Christmas, even if the song starts out a little Melancholy... It's not the upbeat end track, but it's still kind of pretty in its own way.

2) It's Beginning to Look a lot like Christmas  Bing Knows whats up.

and my favorite Christmas Song of ALLLLLLLL Time?

SANTA CLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN!

 Thanks for reading, and until next time, Dear Reader, May The Fierce Be With You! Happy Holidays From Kat Storm and the Wreckers!

---

"Demand Fabulousness, at all times!"

I'm Talking About A Resolution...

Everyone starts thinking about resolutions this time of year.  Most people probably have a big, long list of things they want for themselves in the coming year... Losing weight, being more money conscious,  or maybe even finding a new job.  And that's all well and good, but probably 1% of New Years Resolutions actually exist after January 15th.  And that's fine, too.  I'm not here to judge.

I'm only making one resolution this year, just one, and I bet you can guess what it is:

NO MORE RED HEADS*.

*except for Killa L.

Thanks for reading, and until next time, Dear Reader, May The Fierce Be With You!

---

"Demand Fabulousness, at all times!"

Techie Tuesday: Warcraft Wednesday...?

I'm a day late with Techie Tuesday because World of Warcraft has officially taken over my life.

I'm just kidding. I didn't feel like blogging yesterday.
BECAUSE I WAS PLAYING WARCRAFT!!!!!

I'm relatively new to the game, but I've made two characters, a human Warlock, and a Night Elf Priestess.   So far, it's a lot like most MMOs I've played, Go Kill (Random Number) of (Random monster) and come back here to get more orders to kill (random number) of (something else).  

The thing that really annoyed me about the game was that there were several missions that I just could not complete.  Not, they were too hard and I kept dying, but I mean, there was literally no way to actually do them.  I would get to the point where the map said home-boy I needed to talk to would be, and he would not be there.  I would run all over looking for him, and never find him.  This happened twice.  The first time I thought it was me.  The second time, I took matters into my own hands and googled it.  Turns out, the missions are obsolete.  ...So why are the still in the game?!

The other thing is the lag.  There is so much lag and so much down time for maintenance.

Other than that, it's a good time waster, if you have time to waste (I have lots).  The story line is a little hokie, but I've seen worse.  It's a little bit better than POTC, because you can go everywhere, and there are tons of realms and missions.  POTC was very limited.  However, with POTC, you could teleport instead of running everywhere.  WoW has mounts, but you don't get them til level 20.  In POTC, you can teleport at level 5.

So, I'm thinking about doing periodic updates about WoW as I go, but that'll probably bore most of you...  Maybe a once-a-month-only-on-Wednesdays type of deal.

PS - Cataclysm looks Epic.






Thanks for reading, and until next time, Dear Reader, May The Fierce Be With You!

---

"Demand Fabulousness, at all times!"

Full of Christmas Cheer!

haha, this is what comes up when
you google image search  "I hate so much"

Much like Maxie, I too, hate so much.

While most people take this time of year to reflect upon their blessings and whatnot, I choose to be selfish and bratty and bitch about the things I don't like. Because it's my blog. And that makes me, like, Queen. So you have to deal with it. Or close the page. Either way...

I really hate it when people don't pay their bill, call my job, and bitch at me because their service has been disconnected. Your inability to budget your money is not my problem, and if I could tell you what I really think, you'd probably be crying... but since I like being gainfully employed, I have to sit here and pretend I give a shit about your sob story, the same one I hear every single time someone's service gets cut off, and pretend to be sympathetic when I tell you that unless you pay your bill, you can't have service... Then I have to pretend I don't get really pissed off when you call me a cunt, a bitch, and a cold hearted whore because YOU are irresponsible. Yeah... I really hate that.

I really hate it when I leave the house in plenty of time to stop and get something to eat or drink before work, but the person in front of me, in line, has made it their personal mission to make me late for work. If you don't know what you want, how about you go inside instead of holding up the drive thru line? And why are you sitting there with your window rolled up? There are 5 people in line behind you, and most importantly, I AM BEHIND YOU. I'm going to take down your license plate number, find you, and come to your house and park in front of your car while you're trying to leave for work, totally blocking you in. Call the cops. I have a clean record. And as they're carting me away, I'll yell "BUT I DONT EVEN REALLY LIKE THIS KIND!"

I really hate it when random strangers I've never talked to follow me for three days on twitter, and then, I guess, get mad because I don't follow them page and unfollow me.  You have to at least TALK to me to get met to follow you on twitter.  I use Tweetdeck, so half the time I don't even realize I have a new follower.  Let's put our big girl panties on, I'm not one of those "Ok, you follow me, I'll follow you" people unless I know you... Because there's all ready enough useless crap inside my head, I don't need yours, too.  Unless it's funny useless crap...  In which case... Teehee?

I really hate it when I'm playing WoW and the map says "go this way" ... What they FAIL TO MENTION is that you have to go RIGHT THROUGH ENEMY CAMPS!  Oh, yeah, about THAT... and now I'm dead.  Thanks WoW.

I really hate it when I go to use the microwave at work and some troglodyte had spaghetti or something for lunch and didn't cover it up, and now it looks like someone committed a murder inside the microwave because they didn't CLEAN UP AFTER THEMSELVES.

I really hate it when people who say they don't like me and don't care about what I'm doing stalk my blog just to make negative comments about my life.  Don't you have anything better to do with your time...  Oh, that's right, I forgot.  You don't.  Maybe Santa will bring you a life for Christmas!

I really hate it when my cat sleeps on my coat, because no matter how much you wash it, you never get all the cat hair off of it.  I try to hang my coat up out of kitty-sleeping zones, but I dont always remember not to lay it on the back of the couch.  And a coat on the back of the couch is a kitty magnet.

I really hate it when a guy says he likes you, then he gets all weird.  Why are you being weird?  It's not like I want to have your babies or get married,  I just wanna play video games, make out, and watch movies.  Come on now. Stop being weird.  there's enough weirdness in the world just because www.tentaclerape.com exists.  Don't add to it.



Thanks for reading, and until next time, Dear Reader, May The Fierce Be With You!

---

"Demand Fabulousness, at all times!"

Dear (Your Name Here), What was so wrong with me? Sincerely, Me.

This is the last "Sincerely Me" Entry for this year.  I know you're glad of that.

Dear You,

All I have ever wanted is be loved, just as I am.  I love myself, even though I have my faults.  My friends love me, even thought I have the most obnoxious grating laugh in the world.  But you never loved me.  You barely even notice me.  Is there someone else so great in your life that you don't want to take a chance on becoming the other half to something so awesome?  I'd really like to meet him, or her, then, because they must be fucking fantastic.

I wish I was the sort of selfless person who could say "You know, whatever you want to do, whatever you need to do.  I just want you to be happy."  ...but I'm not.  I'm the type of person who is selfish enough to say "Screw what you want, right now, do me."
...Okay, not really.  But that doesn't mean that I don't think that sometimes.  I think about saying that a lot.  Of course, I also think about clubbing you over the head, dragging you back to my house and tying to you to the bed, then performing unspeakable acts.  Unspeakable.

However, that's a step higher up on the ladder to crazytown than I'm willing to go right now.  So I just sit here, wondering what it is about me that you, and so many others, just don't seem to like.  Why do girls who are crazier, on drugs, uglier, fatter, meaner, stupider, more selfish... have someone... and I don't?

It's that kind of thinking that leads to madness.

So this is where I let go.  This is where I cut the strings I've been clinging to for so very long, and fall into the crushing abyss of reality: You're just not that into me.  And that's okay.  I just want you to be happy.

And yes, I mean it.  As much as I wish I didn't.

Sincerely,
Me.



Thanks for reading, and until next time, Dear Reader, May The Fierce Be With You!

---

"Sincerely Me" is a week long exercise in which I will write letters to people who have shaped my life, saying the things I've never been able to say to their faces.  Some I will send, some I will not.  The real goal is to help me gain a better understanding of myself, and to attempt to get closure on some things, and clear the air about some others.  If you'd like to join in, please do!

Dear Justin, I still love you. Sincerely Me.

Dear Justin,

When you died four years ago, I was devastated.  I was crushed.  A part of me died right along with you, and I've been dying a little bit each day since then.  You were the best, the most pure soul, I've ever met.  Maybe that's why you had to leave.  Maybe you were needed elsewhere.

You always believed in me, even when I didn't believe in myself.  You always loved me, even when I didn't love myself.  I never realized how much I needed you until you were gone.

The last four years have been hard, and I've felt so much guilt about how I treated you, especially at the end.  I've never forgiven myself for a lot of the things that were said.  I know that I can never take back what I did, and I know that even if I could, it still wouldn't be enough.  I should have told you every day how special you were.  Isn't incredible how good hindsight really is?

There's nothing I wouldn't give for one more day with you.  I would give up everything to hear your laugh, or see your smile, or to look into your eyes.  I wish I could tell you how you touched my life, how much of who I am now is because of who you were.  I wish I could have one more walk on the beach, under the stars.  One more conversation that would make you throw your head back and howl with laughter.  One more hug from those strong arms, the ones that protected me, sheltered me, and loved me, despite my imperfections... maybe even because of them.

We may not have been as close as we used to be, but I still loved you, and I always hoped that we could work it out.  I regret lying to you.  I regret hurting you. I carry that with me now, because I never get to say I'm sorry.  I thought it would get easier with time, but I miss you just as much today as I did on December 28th, 2006.

I miss you, so much.  I miss the way you hated long pants and your freakishly giant feet.  I miss the way you smell, and the way you'd scoop me up like I weighed nothing.  I miss your heartbeat.

I still love you.

Sincerely,
Love,
Kat


Thanks for reading, and until next time, Dear Reader, May The Fierce Be With You!

---

"Sincerely Me" is a week long exercise in which I will write letters to people who have shaped my life, saying the things I've never been able to say to their faces.  Some I will send, some I will not.  The real goal is to help me gain a better understanding of myself, and to attempt to get closure on some things, and clear the air about some others.  If you'd like to join in, please do!

Dear (Your Name Here), You Suck. Sincerely, Me.

Dear You,

You have hurt me more than you will ever know, or care.  I have never let you see me cry.  I have never shown you how much pain you have caused me with your lies, your hate, your petty jealousy, your total disregard for anyone but yourself.  You took the one thing from me that I can never get back.  You took my innocence.

Not a day goes by that I don't think of you, that I don't remember just how much you hurt me, that I don't constantly remind myself of what you were so that I don't fall victim to that again.

The hardest part of it was knowing how easy it was for you to destroy me, and how little you cared.  You leveled a civilization and didn't bat an eye.  You are the personification of heartless.

I've tried to forgive you, and I've tried to forget you, but there is no way that the damage you've done will ever fade completely.  The scars will serve as a reminder never to give someone the power I gave you.  You echo on every new endeavor I make, with your nay saying and your attempts to keep me down.  Why was it that I loved you so much for so long, but clearly you just loved to hurt me?  And why couldn't I just let go?

Why didn't I mean anything to you?  Why was I so easy to hurt, to lie to, to betray, to destroy?  And why are you so hard to get over?


It's been almost seven years.  Seven years of trying to undo the damage you've done, forget the things you said.  Every move I make, I can hear you saying that I'll never make it, that I'll never be good enough, that I'll always be fat, that I'll always be a failure, that I'll always be nothing.  I hear that.  And for along time, I allowed your hate to cloud my vision of myself.  No more.  Just shut the fuck up.


I'm so over you.


Sincerely,
Kat


PS- I would like my Drowning Pool CD Back.


Thanks for reading, and until next time, Dear Reader, May The Fierce Be With You!

---

"Sincerely Me" is a week long exercise in which I will write letters to people who have shaped my life, saying the things I've never been able to say to their faces.  Some I will send, some I will not.  The real goal is to help me gain a better understanding of myself, and to attempt to get closure on some things, and clear the air about some others.  If you'd like to join in, please do!

Dear HWoww: I'll Kill You If You Ever Tell Anyone I Said These Things. Sincerely, Me

Dear HWoww, 

You are more amazing that you will likely ever know.  You are more beautiful than you will likely ever see yourself.  You posess more creativity and talent than you can fathom.

What I can't fathom is why you can't see what I see... why you can't see how much you have to offer, and why you constantly put yourself down.  Of all the hearts you break, mine is the one you break consistently.  I love you like a sister, and I've always considered you the best of my best friends.  It hurts me more than I, with my better than average way with words, can even begin to put down on paper.

You have a an indefinable spark, a kindness that shines from within,  and no matter what anyone else ever says about you, know this: You are loved.  You will always be loved.  Exactly, just the way you are.  I will never expect you to be anything but perpetually late, a social butterfly, constantly falling for the wrong guys,  chasing me around bars trying to keep me from making a total fool of myself.  I will never try to change you.

I just hope that one day, you learn to love yourself as much as I love you, because really... you're worth it.  Every single bit of it.

Merry Christmas, Chicken B.





Thanks for reading, and until next time, Dear Reader, May The Fierce Be With You!

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"Sincerely, Me" is a week long exercise in which I will write letters to people who have shaped my life, saying the things I've never been able to say to their faces.  Some I will send, some I will not.  The real goal is to help me gain a better understanding of myself, and to attempt to get closure on some things, and clear the air about some others.  If you'd like to join in, please do!

The Birthday Curse: Why I Hesistate to Celebrate

My birthday never got to be a big deal as a child.  As a holiday baby, I got used to never being able to have a big party with all my friends, but rather a small celebration with my mom and my grandparents.  That's just how it was.

When I was seventeen, I put my foot down, I wanted to have a party, so four of my best friends came over for a sleep over.  That was the best party I ever had, and we didn't even do anything, except rent Titanic and order pizza and talk about boys.

Since then, I've become victim of what I like to call The Birthday Curse.  Every year, something bad happens...  Now granted, I know this may seem kind of whiny, even a bit melodramatic, but some of the stuff that's happened has been really awful, and other stuff, just unfortunate.  Let's review:

Source

 Age 19: Threw a party.  People came.  Made too much noise. Mom got pissed. "High School Best friend" brought over some brandy, drank too much, puked all over my couch.  Cleaned it and her up, washed her pants.  Sat down in chair to rest after cleaning, chair breaks, dumping me in the floor.

Age 20: New year, new best friend.  She made out with the guy I liked, rolled around on the floor, knocked over my Christmas tree, and tortured my cat.  She wasn't drunk.  That's just how she was.

Age 21: Decided to stop having parties at my house, and instead coordinated a big dinner for my friends at a local place.  50 people told me they were coming, so I made reservations for 40, knowing that some people wouldn't show up even though they promised they would.  Guess how many people showed up? Six.  So, thanks Lirpa, H-Woww, Killa L, LO, and the two boys who came with them.

Source

Age 22: Mandolin and I had a huge fight, and since no one wanted to deal with the residual drama, only Sam and a guy I was casually seeing at the time came to my party.  I also found out a few days later one of my closest friends had died the night of my birthday.  I spent the next few weeks mourning his death and dealing with a lot pain and guilt completely on my own, because Mandolin had essentially burned all of my bridges for me, by condemning me for going to a party and hanging out with her ex boyfriend.  Did I mention she just married H-Woww's ex?  Nice chick.

Source

Age 23:  HWoww coordinated a party for me, which made me think the curse was finally broken.  We had it at a hotel, next to a bar.  People I didn't know showed up, made a ton of noise.  The cops were called.  The loud people left, including HWoww and all of my friends except Bear and the guy I was dating at the time.  Bear passed out, snoring,  and the boy and I were fooling around.  Suddenly, I felt this intense... burning... down there and not in a good way.  At that moment, there was a knock at the door.  It was the cops, again.  Kicking us out of the hotel, even though EVERYone had left.  Once I got home, after dropping the boy and Bear off, and performing a bunch of sobriety tests, I examined the area that was burning and saw a bunch of red, angry looking welts.  I freaked out.  Called the doctor (at 4 am... he was NOT happy).  After a very embarrassing conversation about what I'd been up to in the last 24 hours, and a phone call to the boy, the doctor and I concluded I'm allergic to Jalapenos, as the boy had been eating nachos laden with them prior to coming to the party.

Age 24: I had a nasty cold that turned into a respiratory infection that I thought I was over by the time my birthday rolled around.  Oh no.  I felt fine when I got there, but about 2 hours into it, I started sweating like crazy and coughing.  Then I felt like I was going to faint.  So I went back to the hotel room.  Oh!  and the place where we went to dinner looked really nice, but when we cut into our entrees, the chicken was friggin raw on the inside.  So we went to McDonalds.

Source

Age 25: I had planned to go to the slots with K-tizzle and The Night Rapist and eat at the buffet there, but the Night Rapist was running late, so by the time we decided to just go and meet up with her later, but Buffet was closed.  The only other options were to drive another 30 min to a sit down place, or get fast food.  K-Tizzle wasn't happy with either of those suggestions, but didn't come up with one of her own, and I got frustrated and said "Let's go" and started walking.  She didn't here me say "Let's go" and thought I just walked away from her, so she left.  I went to the movies by myself.  Sherlock Holmes was pretty good, though.

So, there you have it.  most of the stuff wasn't so bad, but as you can see, I'm a bit hesitant to get really excited about this years big to-do, even though it promises to be a good one. I know it could have always been a lot worse. And Dagger has even promised to destroy anyone who tries to make it less than stellar for me this year, hopefully that'll help break the Bad Birthday Curse.  Hopefully no one dies this year.  And if they do, they have the decency to do it on the 28th.



Thanks for reading, and until next time, Dear Reader, May The Fierce Be With You!

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"Demand Fabulousness, at all times!"

5 Ways To Make Fast Cash With You Body... Legally.

Times are tough, and it's even tougher to keep doing what you love when you aren't getting paid for it. Here are some (mostly) quick (albeit, not always PAINLESS) ways to make some quick cash.

1. Sell your organs. You really only need one Kidney and one lung anyway. To hell with being able to RUN or PURIFY YOUR BODY. You can easily make up to $91,400 selling just ONE kidney (according to answers.com, a lung goes for $116,400).  Hell, you can buy a house with that.

2. Blood Plasma. Your body makes that stuff all the time!  You don't need it!  You can make up to $260 a month on that shit.  I'm telling you, it's a cash cow!

3. Sell your Sperm, or Eggs.  Read the fine print, a lot of conditions apply, especially where your overall health is concerned.  Dudes can make up to $40 a pop for sperm, whereas chicks can get anywhere between 2,000 and 150,000 (depending on the country, the facility, and the chick) for their eggs, based on the information provided by ChaCha Answers.

4. Sell your hair.  You can make anywhere from $50 to $200 depending on how much hair you have, the condition it's in, and where you sell it, according to Mrs. Wang the Wig Maker.

5. Volunteer for Medical Research.  According to Hubpages.com, Volunteers are well compensated for their time, making anywhere from $1,025 to $5,700 depending on the research.  Often, though, you have to stay at the facility, which is a detractor... You know, along with rashes and possible cancer down the road.  The point is, though, you get money! Yay!




Thanks for reading, and until next time, Dear Reader, May The Fierce Be With You!

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"Demand Fabulousness, at all times!"

Techie Thursday: TweetDeck

Image from blog.crowdspring.com

TweetDeck is not a new innovation, by any stretch of the imagination, but in this blogger's humble opinion, it's probably one of the best API on the web for Twitter.

TweetDeck has a clean, simple look, with 3 basic columns (you can add more, based on your preferences), that show your timeline, your @replies, and your direct messages in a simple, scrollable, easy to read format.

You can also embed Images in your tweets without having to have a separate twitpic (or similar) account, and it automatically shortens your URLs, with an easy click-reversal if you don't want them shortened.  Another great feature is the "Re-tweet."  TweetDeck gives the option to re-tweet the user's message just as it is, or edit it if you want to add a reply, without having to cut and paste it.

You can look at embedded pix, videos, and profiles all from the TweetDeck Window.

TweetDeck also gives you a pop up mini-feed in the upper corner of your screen when someone from your  time line updates.  You can reply to, retweet, or favorite their tweet from the mini-feed window.

You can also use TweetDeck to update your Facebook page, and receive updates from Facebook.  It has a translation tool, and a pretty good syncing ability, making it a lot better for users with multiple computers or the iPhone.

All in all, I've never had an issue with TweetDeck, which is more than I can say for a lot of other Twitter Apps.  It's really simple to use, and easily customizable, even for someone who's just starting out with twitter.

TweetDeck also has a new extension for Google Chrome, which is my browser of choice, and its a lot more streamlined than ever before.  I love it!

Do you folks use any API/Twitter Apps?  If so, what?  How do you like them?



Thanks for reading, and until next time, Dear Reader, May The Fierce Be With You!

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"Demand Fabulousness, at all times!"

Break Down of Personality Traits by Profile Pix on a Dating Site

Your profile pic can say a lot about you... sometimes not what you'd think... here are some impressions I get based on the type of picture you have on your dating profile (of course, you could just argue I'm bitter):

The "Shirtless Mirror" Pic

What you think it means:  "I'm a good looking guy, why shouldn't I be proud of it?  And this camera flash-reflection is really cool and artsy looking."
What I think it means: "Look at how narcissistic I am! I am so good looking, I don't even have friends to take a picture of me, because they are all just jealous of my buff bod.  I'm also too stupid to figure out how to turn the flash off on my camera.  Additionally, I'm lazy, because my mirror is really dirty, and I didn't even bother to clean it off before snapping this pic."  I'll pass on that dinner date, cow boy.  I'm afraid you might rip off your shirt during the seaweed salad.

The "Intense CloseUp" Pic

What you think it means: "I'm artistic and creative! No one else will think to post a pic of a CloseUp of their eyeball!"
What I think it means: "I'm either a giant douche who thinks I'm better than you because of my minor artistic achievements, or I'm really insecure about how I look, and thus want to keep you in the dark about it until I've had the opportunity to win you over with my "personality."  I swear I have one."  Sure you do, kiddo.  Sure you do.  Say, have you met my friend, TheHipster?  I think you two would hit it off.

The "Posing With Hot or Suggestively Dressed People of the Opposite Sex" Pic

What you think it means: "These people are attractive, so people will think there's obviously something worth while about me."
What I think it means: This person is friends with skanks (or douches) or they routinely pay prostitutes to pose for pictures with them.

The "Myspace Angle" Pic

What you think it means: "I'm show casing my positive attributes while glossing over my negative attributes."
What I think it means: What exactly is this person hiding? 
DO THEY EVEN HAVE LEGS?!

The "Car/Bike" Pic

What you think it means:  "Look at my sweet ride!  My car/bike is really nice, so you know I will treat my lady even nicer!"
What I think it means:  This person is a Transformer.  Or they car so much about their car, there's no chance we won't spend a Saturday afternoon at their various car club meetings or at the local track for their stupid drag races.  I'll pass on that.

The "Tattoo" Pic

What you think it means: "This picture will make sure people know that I'm edgy and cool and unique, because no one else has a sweet arm band tribal tattoo like me."
What I think it means: Dear God, where have all the sane people gone? I mean, I suppose if you're into tattoos, this might seem semi-cool, but even if you are, you probably still think pix blatantly showing them off like they are a badge of honor are pretty unhip. Bonus points if you're doing one of those lame self portrait-flexing-pix.

The "Blatantly Photo-shopped/Over used Effects" Pic


What you think it means: "I'm quirky and unique. I don't really slay dragons or have abs like Brad Pitt, but I have a great sense of humor!"or "I'm just going to touch this up a bit so I look even better."
What I think it means: Depending on the degree of photo-shop, it can go two ways.  If its clear you want us to know its photo-shopped, and it's funny, I might chortle.  I mean, my friend Funky photo-shops pix all the time, and they are quite humorous. However, if you think you have to try to pull the wool over the eyes of someone you want to become romantically involved with to get them to even talk to you, that doesn't bode well for your mental health.

The "Baby/Young Kid" Pic

What you think it means:  "I am off beat and funny.  I will also make beautiful children with you some day. Also, check out how cool I was as a kid."
What I think it means: Yeah, you were a cute kid.  So what happened? 

The "Drunken Partier" Pic

What you think it means: "I'm a fun unique individual.  I like to have fun! FUN! WHOOOO!"
What I think it means: "I cannot be social without alcohol.  If I'm myself, you won't like me.  you will only like me if I'm drunk and wearing a lamp shade on my head."  Yeah, I'll pass on that.  I know I'm not exactly the pinnacle of sobriety, but at least the first impression you get of me doesn't include my underwear on my head.

So what's left?  What makes a good profile pic?  Well, I find that most people are interested in seeing as much of you as possible... No, Brannon, not a nude photo... I mean, a full body photo, where your face is clearly visible.  It's a good idea to let your personality shine through a little bit, too.  Ease people in to who you are, while still allowing them to see what you look like...  This was my most successful profile pic:

 

 

It could be because I'm in a bathing suit, but at least the folks know what they are getting. I also like to think that it proves that I love the water and the beach, but then again, I think I just proved that what we think our pictures mean isn't always what other people think they mean.

 

Thanks for reading, and until next time, Dear Reader, May The Fierce Be With You!

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"Demand Fabulousness, at all times!"

Hipsters Are All in On the Big Secret...

Recently, I met a friend-of-a-friend.  I had not, until this meeting, ever experienced a real life "hipster" before.  I'd read about them, I have heard about them, but I had never actually seen one in it's natural habitat before.

Now granted, I'm dangerously close to hipster status myself, I constantly have my digital camera with me to take pictures of my friends being cooler than you, I have a blog, I drink cheap beer, and I wear a scarf... but I like to think I lack the arrogance that comes with hipster kind.  Am I arrogant, kids?  No, I'm just prone to natural awesomeness.

I digress.   I met this person, and something about her faux glasses (the square ones, with black frames, like Lisa Loeb wears...) or her argyle socks, or her impossibly tight jeans just rubbed me the wrong way.  Or maybe it was her asymmetrical fluffy hair cut.  Or her pink plastic headband.  Or maybe it was just her stupid American Apparel shirt... but right away, I didn't like this girl.

I try not to be judgmental, though (who am I kidding, I'm totally judgmental), so I decided to give this girl and my friend a break, and had lunch with them.  The first thing The Hipster did was ask if the food on the menu was organic, and macrobiotic.  Cupcake, we're at a place that serves chili dogs with gravy... What do you think?

"Well," she sniffs.  "I guess I'll just have water."  After her water arrives, and my chicken salad sandwich is placed gently in front of me, we move away from dead end topics such as movies "I really only like independent films.  You wouldn't have heard of them." and music "I only listen to indie rock.  Someone who wears hooker heels to lunch wouldn't understand the magic of Bedridden Banshee", We moved on to current affairs.

And your favorite topic, and mine, came up.  The TSA bullshit.  Of course, The Hipster is in on the Big Secret about government conspiracies, and is trying to warn the masses of sheeple (IE: you and me) about the dangers of giving the government too much power.

"There's no real threat.  This is bullshit.  I can't even get home to see my family because I refuse to be sexually violated  by some government lacky."

"So, don't fly?" I suggest naively.  "Drive?"

"My family all lives in Europe now." She exasperated.  "I'm just here for school.  We find the US... Benighted."

Who the fuck uses Benighted in a sentence?

"I see.  well, I guess it all depends on what you're willing to sacrifice, I guess.  I personally don't have a problem wi-"


"That's because you, like so many of your brethren, are blind to the real threat in America.  It's the government.  You want to live in some 1984-esq society?"

"I hardly think that extra security at an airport is-"

"How do you think it starts?  Just wait, you'll have a bar code tattooed on your arm in a few years.  Isn't it convenient how these 'terrorist threats' open the government up to more control over your daily life? The new religious cult in America is fear.  People who sacrifice liberty for security deserve neither."

Oh there it is.  I waiting to see how long it would take this chick to bust out the long suffering Franklin quote.  I wasn't going to argue with her about that, though.

"Say, did you know anyone who died in 9/11?" I said, and The Friend looked uncomfortable.  They knew what was coming, from my side.  The Hipster, however, oblivious, plowed on.

"Oh yes, let's all start chating 9/11! 9/11! to justify our fear.  The government is just using it to frighten you into submission."

For someone who can use a word like benighted, you'd think she'd have something else to say other than "The government wants to scare you! Ogha booga booga!"

"So, you didn't lose anyone, then?"  The Hipster shook her head.  "Well, take a moment and imagine you did.  Imagine you lost a family member.  Then imagine you came to lunch today, and sat down with some arrogant, insensitive, spoiled, selfish, naive brat who had never experienced life outside of her college dorm room, and had to listen to her whine about how annoying it is to submit to a security measure that would ensure no one else went through that kind of pain."  I said, as I stood up, and walked out of the restaurant, in my "hooker heels"... which, by the way, were rather sedate black pumps.  Apparently anything that's not a pair of crusty puma's are now hooker heels.
...and THAT'S why they call me the Julia Sugarbaker of the North!

(also, because The Hipster sent me an e-mail telling me I'm a total sell out for advertising on my blog, did you guys check out Yesterday's Post about how you can get an awesome discount on a pair of Whooga Ugg Boots, and enter to win a free pair?  Do it.  Just to piss off The Hipster.)



Thanks for reading, and until next time, Dear Reader, May The Fierce Be With You!

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"Demand Fabulousness, at all times!"

Bloggettes V: The Internet Strikes Back

I saw a cop car the other day. It was a new Dodge Charger, and on the bumper, they had painted "This car was purchased with money confiscated from drug dealers."  Ok, so if I use drug money to buy a purse, I'm a criminal, but the cops use drug money to buy a car, and its a celebrated innovation? 

My cat is afraid of Johnny Cash.  I think it might just be the vibrations from the bass in his voice, but it's more fun to pretend that Johnny Cash is just that bad ass, that he can scare my cat from beyond the grave.  Conversely, the cat seems to enjoy music from the Great White North. (Canada).  He has no opinion on Ke$ha.

Last year for Christmas, the Moose got me a pink snuggie.  I really enjoy it, the problem is that I almost never get to use it because the damn cat is always curled up on it, and looks so damned cute that I just don't want to disturb him.  So I'm going to get him his own snuggie.

Speaking of the Moose, I'm not sure what to get him for Christmas.  Has anyone read any really good books lately?  He likes to read... He likes Anne Rice stuff and he like "Precious".  Any suggestions?  I was thinking about "The Lovely Bones".

I still have not seen the second two Lord of the Rings movies, Transformers 2, Iron man 2, Paranormal Activity 2, RED, Eclipse, Rambo, Rocky Balboa, or 28 Weeks Later.  Those were all on my list of movies to watch in 2010.  It wouldn't really be a problem if I wasn't ridiculously bad about mailing my netflix movies back.  I am seriously horrendous about it.  I've had "Superman Returns", "Sense and Sensibility" and ...something else... Since the first week of November.  

I got lost in my video game today.  I mean, so lost I just logged out.  I had no idea where I was, or how to get back to where I came from.  The map was no help.  The Compass was no help.  I just logged out and got a sammich.  I might go back later.  I haven't decided yet. I don't deal well with defeat.

I went to work last night.  Except I didn't have to work.  So I wasted a whole day trying to sleep and not hanging out with the Night Rapist because I thought I had to work.  I could have eaten sushi!  I could have played trivia!  Dammit.  If only I could read a schedule.



Thanks for reading, and until next time, Dear Reader, May The Fierce Be With You!

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"Demand Fabulousness, at all times!"

"It's a Batman mask." "It's a Japanese Sex Mask." "Why do you have to ruin everything for me?"

Last night, at 12:01, No Sex November officially came to an end.  I celebrated by finally having sex with that ginger.

No, I'm just kidding.  Shenanigans!

Last night, The Wreckers, minus Toast, The Night Rapist, and T-Rave, and plus my parents, went to The Rib Shack for Trivia.  Alas, we didn't place for the finals, AGAIN.  Maybe next week.

After Trivia, we headed down to The Bar for good ol' TWT.  And what a wreck it was.  Night Rapist hasn't been drinking lately, so she stayed sober to make sure we didn't kill ourselves on the walk back to Chels's house.  The Original Ginger was at the bar, but we didn't speak. Probably wise.  No good would have come from it.

In Other Kat Storm News:

I did e-mail the girl with brain cancer that I wrote about a few days ago.  I haven't heard back from her yet, but if I do, I'll let you guys know.

On a more important note, today is AIDS awareness day, and December is Red Ribbon month.  If you haven't been tested, please do so.  If you have AIDS or are HIV Positive, you are not alone, and we are all here for you. 

If you need resources, information, or just want to make a donation, check out the Charities page by clicking the tab up there ^^^. 

AIDS has been put on the back burner a lot lately, or dismissed at "the gay's problem" by the ignorant and hateful, but it's still a very real threat, and we're all at risk... so we all need to be responsible, and get tested.

430,000 babies born with HIV last year. By 2015 that could be zero, if we all work together to find a cure.


Thanks for reading, and until next time, Dear Reader, May The Fierce Be With You!

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"Demand Fabulousness, at all times!"