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| this will be available on t shirts soon. There'll be a similar design in blue for the dudes. |
You know the type I mean, ladies... You go out a few times, and YOU think everything is fine, then they pull a disappearing act on you, leaving you confused, hurt, and a little angry. I'm sure there are some women out there who have done the same thing, but I don't date women (I don't care what I said on my birthday), so I won't comment on that.
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| Honey, Glitter makes everything" Better. |
All I could do was blink at the Bearded Wonder. My brain was trying to wrap my mind around what he had just said.
"So... It's as if some men seem to think that being honest with a woman will result in her turning into Godzilla and treating their lives as if it's downtown Tokyo." I responded to him after a few minutes.
and a "Oh please. GET OVER YOURSELF!" to myself.
Seriously Guys, the thing that makes women so angry isn't that you're not into us. Trust me, we can live with with that.
The thing that makes us so angry is that you feed us bullshit excuses or flat out ignore us, making us wonder if we did something, making us think maybe you really are just *really* busy (ha). That's the thing that makes us want to breathe fire and start swatting planes from the sky. Just be honest with us.
I'm not saying be BRUTALLY honest, but if you have exchanged more than two or three e-mails with a person (IE, talking on the phone, constant text messaging for weeks, face to face dates, sex, and anything beyond that) you owe them an explanation.
Maybe you met someone else you feel your better suited for. Maybe the person just isn't doing it for you anymore. Maybe you are a jerk and just want to have random hook ups with 1,000,000 people (use a condom!). That's fine. Do your thing. But remember that girl you said you "really like" and "want to spend time with"? Don't forget to tell her your plans no longer include her.
Imagine for a moment she tries to reach you. She sends you a couple of texts that you don't respond to. She calls, you don't answer. Now she's hurt and confused by your behavior.
Then, imagine six or eight months from now, you're applying for a job that you really want. You love the location, the benefits, and the work you'd be doing. You walk in, and guess who the interviewer is? The girl you never bothered to call back. I don't think you're getting the job, pal.
Unlikely? Yes, but certainly possible. But that's not the only scenario where this type of shitty behavior could come back and bite you on the ass, either.
That expression about the golden rule has been around for so long for a reason, it holds true. You may think you're sparing her feelings or avoiding a confrontation by simply forgetting to return a phone call, but what you're really doing it hurting someone. It's not hard to do the right thing in this particular instance. Try it.
And if the girl DOES go bat shit crazy on you if you calmly, politely explain to her that you're just not that into her, I will buy you a fucking ice cream cone.
Carrie Bradshaw (Sex and the City) said it best when she bumped in to her ex-boyfriend's friends after he broke up with her on a post it note:
"I think you could all get over your fear of looking like the bad guy and actually have the uncomfortable break up conversation, because here's what... Avoiding that is what makes you the bad guy. And just so you know, Allen -" "uh, Andrew." "Uh-huh. Most women aren't angry irrational psychos. We just want an ending to our relationship that is thoughtful, and decent, and honors what we had together. So my point, Billy, is this: There is a good way to break up with someone. And it DOESN'T INCLUDE A POST IT!!"
This is what can happen if you don't honor a woman by giving her a simple, honest answer as to why you want to end things. She'll tell your friends you were bad in bed.
The advent of texting and e-mail supposedly makes life easier, but it also complicated things, because you feel like you get a sense of who a person is before you actually do... But even if you've just been texting and emailing a person a lot, I still feel that you still owe them an explanation. Especially if you've said you want to go out with them. Don't give them the run around. Don't suddenly disappear. Be a bigger man than that.
My advice for ending things is, if you've been seeing a person face to face for more than a week, to break up with them face to face. If you've yet to meet face to face, and you're just not feeling it, give them a call and tell them. Don't make them wonder what happened to you.
If you can't handle the idea of doing that, you probably shouldn't be dating in the first place.
"Demand Fabulousness, at all times!"